Time to Grieve

 

I took a break for a week - or so - to grieve the sudden death of a very dear friend.  Her death was sudden:  We had had lunch just a couple weeks prior and I spoke to her two days before she went to hospital.  She told me she had been down with the flu. Not so.  The following is something I penned and posted to Facebook in her memory.  I do not grieve for her death but for my loss:

 

 

Heavenly Father, 

you are our Daddy God. We are your children, sitting on your lap with our arms around your neck. You hold us securely. Praise always to Your Holy Name.

A dear friend of mine is gone from my life; you will know her when she gets there. She knows you; we shared conversations with you many times. She is one of the last of her kind: a true lady with integrity and high standards for herself and those around her.

Nothing came before the love she had for her family and especially her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She lived an amazing life of service to family and children. She worked tirelessly for her community and never asked for recognition. There are so many words to describe her: sincere, adamant, stubborn, persistent, unforgiving, proud, kind, private, honest, determined, traditional, sweet, faithful, friend, steadfast, wise, educated and this amazing woman called me "friend" and I love her. 

 

 

We shared joys, sorrows, work, gossip, shopping, meals, prayer and something very special that has no description. Her close friends were few and she counted friendship to be a very rare and special relationship.

God was your only help if she perceived you as harmful to a child.

She was a bulldog when determined; never letting go.

I am blessed to have known this rare servant of yours; a warrior angel.

I know you will keep her safe in your arms and give her plenty of work to do; she really likes to shop for others.

Help all those who will miss her find comfort in the fact that she is safe with you, whole and happy.

All this in the precious name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus, The Christ.

Amen

Lord, I Want to be Like Jesus in My Heart

There is a woman acquaintance of mine that can really get under my skin.  She tells people about me in front of me; you know, she acts like she knows me intimately while ignoring that I am standing beside her.  Ew!

She is loud, rude, interrupts and finishes my sentences when I am talking to others.  She tries to inject herself into my life; wants to be my friend.  She has no friends because others in our small town find her as irritating as I do.  It is difficult for her to take a  hint and I have found myself being openly impatient and rude to her.  Bad Christian, bad ! !

Excuse:  I do not make friends easily.  Many years ago, a "friend" turned on me in a way that changed the course of my life and I have been very cautious about friends ever since.  It took me many years to even accept a friend after that.  I take friendship very seriously and can count close friends from my entire life on one hand.  I choose my friends (carefully) - not the other way around.

Lord, I want to be like Jesus in my heart.

I found myself being rude to her one day (not that she even noticed) and that night prayed about the situation, because I was ashamed.  Next morning, I took my coffee in front of one of my favorite TV evangelists just to hear him talking about being nice to people who are irritating.  Oooops!  Next morning, with coffee in front of another minister, I heard a similar message about patience with people who are difficult and do not have friends. 

Yes, He speaks to us in various ways, when we are listening.  (I wish I had not been listening.)  You know that creepy feeling that convicts you of poor behavior when you are beginning to get smug about yourself ?  It's called conviction. 

Realize: God will not let me move on with my spiritual growth until I deal with this issue.  What to do?

First, realize she is a sheep without a shepherd.  She is a sister in Christ.  (We should never be openly impatient with a fellow Christian.)  She is her own worst enemy.  She needs a friend.  Granted, we will never be close but I can be more patient with her. 

I am vowing to have better conversations with her than just "no", "okay" and "that's nice".  I will give her more of my time, rather than making excuses to run away.  I should be flattered rather than irritated. 

Then, I will pray for her . . . . and me.  There is magic in praying for any one you have a problem with.  It's a trick of God: When you pray for anyone, you find yourself defending them, asking help for them and generally becoming their advocate.  This, in turn, makes you more sensitive and understanding to their situation which softens your feelings and creates more Godly attitude in you (me).  Praying for anyone you have an issue with can really improve your own situation.

This lady does not persecute me; actually quite the opposite.  So, I should thank God that anyone admires me enough to want to be a friend.  (It would just be easier if she would take "no" for an answer. - just kidding!  LOL)

Praise God who loves me enough to correct me gently.
Amen

P.S.  It is now a couple months after I first posted this blog.  I want to let you know that I have made the effort to look at her face when I talk to her.  I even initiate conversation.  She does not "strain" any more to get my attention or go out of her way to push in and interrupt.  Things are much more relaxed between us.  She is not imposing herself on me.  We have casual conversation and move on.  That is all this woman wanted; a little recognition - the same recognition that I give anyone else.  It was not easy to write this article.   I wanted to share just in case this personal experience will help someone else smooth over a similar situation.  She did not want to inject herself into my life, merely into the same courtesy I show everyone else; to be counted worthy of the attention from someone she apparently respects.  There is now no strain when I run into her AND I like myself much more.  The blessing here is coming to see some of her positive traits.
Thank you, Father, for teaching me this special lesson.
Amen

Worthless Old Lady ?

Do you feel like a worthless old lady?  Is your nest empty?  Do your children live in another town or state?  Do your grandchildren think you are old fashion?  Do you wander through the day from meal to meal?  Does it seem like all you have to do is watch the clock for your next pill?  Do you avoid your friends because they just complain?  Are you too involved with what others are doing to live their life?  Do you feel no one wants you, you are worthless?

STOP IT   ! ! ! !

This is a wonderful time of your life.  You are no longer on someone else's time schedule.  You do not have to spend all your time thinking of others.   Your children do not need driven to school, ball games and piano lessons.  You don’t have mountains of laundry and piles of dishes.  You don’t have to put supper on the table for a full family by six at night.  You don’t have to get up in the middle of the night with sick children puking on the way to the bathroom.  You don’t have to get up at 5:00 am to pack a lunch.  You don’t have deadlines and a boss to answer to.  You don’t have errands to the vet, a double batch of cupcakes for the PTA and a long grocery list.   You have spare time.  You have wisdom, knowledge and experience.  You have paid your dues.   You are free!  

You have time to do so many of the things you used to wish you could do for years:  Bible study, read a good book, call a friend for lunch, embroider, paint, take a pottery class, mentor at a school, learn to play an instrument, primp in front of the mirror, paint your toenails.  Can’t reach them?  Paint your nails - an outrageous color.  Join a group playing cards, board games, cards or a pool game.  How about a Yoga class?  Great exercise to limber you up and release new energy.  All classes allow for beginners and mature women.  How about your mending?  Hem a dress and feel daring.  Hem for someone who can’t. 

I like plants.  They freshen the air.  They grow.  I talk to them.  They require time to prune, water, clean and feed.  It is rewarding to make something grow.


 For those over 55, our local Vo Tech offers classes for free.  Take up art, painting, learn to operate your computer or smart phone, cooking class, first aide, stain glass, upholstery - even welding or carpentry.  Check into a local drama club.  You can always volunteer to help if you have that need: church, schools, library or hospital. 




Cooking:  Single?  Live alone?  You can freeze in small containers for easy use later - when you have a class to go to.  You can also freeze cupcakes and cookies for personal use or that Bunko game you are going to.  I tell you, you can make new friends if you have a pie.  Make a pot of soup, or a casserole, and freeze for winter suppers.  Exchange meals with a friend.  Don’t use “just me” or “only the two of us” to keep you from healthy eating.



Idea: Make a practical Bucket List and set out to fulfill it.  My Bucket List includes running a zip line.

Here’s a great idea:  SMILE !  It releases endorphins that are healing and stimulates pleasure sensations.  Stand in front of a mirror and make faces - just for laughs.  You will also find out that more people want to be around you and visit with you.  You can become a one woman ambassador for Christ.  Just be positive, get out, smile, go somewhere.  No one likes a sour puss and a smile works wonders, especially on an older face.  You are pretty when you smile.



Look up U-Tube and search “funny”.  Funny: videos, animals, children, cats, and more.  There are U-Tube videos for learning how to do almost anything.   When I can’t get out for bad weather or have a cold or just get the “blahs”, I love to pull up some funny videos.  Another good time is when hubby has a ball game on the television.
 
Shut in?  Use the phone.  Call other shut ins and encourage them - tell a joke.   Learn how to operate your computer.  Learn almost anything on U-Tube.  Put in a patio garden in pots.  Keep up with friends and family on Facebook, BUT . . . don’t make it your life.

Afraid to go out?  Stop that, too.  God is with you.  He has taken care of you all your life.  He is not going to stop now.  Believing you can go and do is half the battle.  Pack your pills and take your phone for an emergency.  Ask a friend to join you for a movie or a picnic.  Start with short trips alone and expand your distance along with your confidence.  Book a cabin at a lake to sit on the porch, watch all the people and take a walk in nature.  Share expenses with a friend.  You might even meet some nice people.  

Do silly things - just for fun.  Wear a hat, or a turban.  Put some funny pins on it.  Dress different: bright colors, shorter hem, pants under the dress.  Wear a T-shirt with jeans, red lipstick and big ear rings.  Dye your hair with Jello.  It is a fad with the younger kids right now.  You have a large choice of colors and it gradually washes out.  (My hair has purple high lights right now.)  You can buy a temporary tattoo from the dollar store - just for fun.  I have a couple in my vanity drawer as I write.  They wash off.

Gather a couple friends for an evening of old fashion pajama party.  So what if you all fall asleep by nine.  Watch a funny movie and eat junk food.  Have a make up party.  Bring hand mirrors and make up with eye shadows, bright colored nail polish and lots of jewelry.  Style each others hair.  You might just find a new look that you like.  Blow bubbles.  The liquid kind in a bottle like the kids use or bubble gum - if your dentures are secure. Have a photo session and take pictures of each other being silly - makes a great album to laugh at.  Tell funny stories about growing up.

Flirt!  I love this one.  For the first time in my life, I can flirt with young good looking guys and they think I am cute.  Wives are not jealous and everyone takes it in stride.  I love to tell them how good looking they are.  Then, I add, “If I were 50 years younger, I would chase you until you caught me.”  Then, smile. 

Warning!  Your stick-in-the-mud friends and family will think you have lost it.  Your family might want you to come visit so they can check you out first hand.  Your sour friends will be jealous of the fun you are having.  But, you will be having fun, looking forward to getting out of bed in the morning, have more energy and your blood pressure just might drop a point or two.

Wisdom: What you believe, is what is.  If you believe your life is over, it’s is.  Personally, as long as I am breathing, I have life in some form.

“It’s too late” will kill you.  It's never too late.  God has blessed you with life.  
The Bible calls life a blessing and death a curse.  Appreciate it.  Use it.  God Himself wants to see you happy.
Sweetheart, it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.

Amen

A Short Thought

During a recent Sunday School class discussion, there were comments on how to forgive those who wrong you or for whatever reason, you don't like or don't want to be around.

One comment has stayed with me and I would like to share it with you:

When there is someone that you need to forgive (for any reason), or just accept, imagine that Jesus is standing behind them and saying to you, "I love them".

This is a very interesting exercise and I have to admit it is working for me.
Amen

Be An Example, James 1:27

I was shopping with a friend one day when she sped up her car to keep me from handing a couple dollars to a man on side of the road with a sign asking for food money.  She explained to me that so many people in the city, asking for financial help don't actually need it; they are con artist.  I will admit she has a point.  There are just such people out there taking advantage of the good spirit of many. 

To prove a point, I went to Strong's Concordance and looked up the word "give".  There are five pages of verses with the word "give" quoted.  That does not even include "giver", "given" or "giving".  Of course, there are more verses about what God gives to us than those commanding us to give.  However, if God can give us so much, shouldn't we pass along to others?

Here are a few of those verses:
Gen 14:20- Then Abraham GAVE Melchizedek a tenth of everything
Pro 25:21 - If your enemy is hungry, give him food
Mt 10:8 - freely you have received, freely give
Mk 6:37 - Give them something to eat
Mk 10:21 - Give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven
Mk 12:17 - Give back to Caesar what is Caesar's
Lk 6:30 - Give to everyone who asks of you
Lk 11:9 - Ask and it will be given you
Acts 3:6 - Peter offered all he had
Ro 12:20 - If your enemy is thirsty, give him something to drink
Jms 2:16 - Help with physical needs
Jms 1:27  (My personal favorite)  Pure religion is caring for widows and orphans


Although we need to discern in our giving (that's just being responsible with what we have), nowhere are we told to question who we give to or what they will do with what we give.  We are merely told to give to others, especially if they ask of us.

With some American Indian blood running through my veins, I am reminded of a teaching from my youth that says:  When you have a successful hunt, you are to share with anyone who asks.  During the days when I was returning from a successful art show, I remember many times there were people with signs, asking for help.  In Iowa, I was approached in a parking garage for food for a hungry family.  Stopping for gas on I-70, I was asked for a donation for cleaning my windshield.  I laughed to myself as I drove off with a windshield dirtier than when the man started.  

In Ohio, I was looking for a place to have breakfast and called to a man, on the corner, with a sign to join me.  It was a fascinating meal, listening to him talk about high school and his family.  The waitresses all knew him.  It seems he frequented this particular corner.  He ate breakfast and ordered lunch to go.

Times when I was not asked:  There was the faces of three boys in a dollar store who were short some change to pay for a couple trinkets, when I made up the difference.  Or the Indian boys, in Oklahoma, who had only pennies for ice cream that cost more than a dollar.  They were amazed to get help for the sweet treat. 

I remember a woman in a diner in South Dakota trying to get attention to be seated and being ignored.  She was not dirty, just an old Indian woman, with a couple dollars for pie and coffee.  I sat her down with me and demanded a menu for her.  It was enlightening to listen to her talk about her life on the reservation and where she lived now.  She had ordered a four course meal with lots of coffee, boxed up everything she could not finish, along with desert, and asked for quarters to do her laundry.  I wrote her name in my Bible so to never forget and still pray for that poor unfortunate.

This text is not written to brag but to show an example, ITim 4:12.  Many, many people do so much more than my occasional small treats.  My point is that we do not have to give huge amounts to impact someone.  And, I was rewarded by being so well entertained.  People have stories we are not aware of.  It takes our mind off ourselves for a few minutes and reminds us that others also suffer and so often more than we do.  I need to help others to keep myself humble. 

Amen

My Story

Privacy is something I value highly.  When we relocate, I will pack personal things so movers don't come in and pack the contents of my underwear drawer or see my toiletries.  I never could share a bathroom with a husband and have only two friends I will share a motel room with.  If I don't get "alone time", you can't stand to have me around.  Anyone out there understand what I am saying?

That said, when it comes to my past, I am an open book.  Like everyone else, I have had trials, temptations, failures and embarrassments.  I don't believe in regret.  I made bad choices (for whatever reason) and they were my choices.  I like to think that I have learned from them.  After all, I did do a full turn around at one point in my life.  There were times of great sorrow, fear, worthlessness and loneliness.  I have felt "lonely" but never "alone".

When I say that I did a full turnaround and repented of a life style, I don't mean all of a sudden I realized there was a loving being out there that created everything and His son came to save me to eternal life by paying the debt for everything I did wrong; although, all of that is true.  The thing is, I cannot remember a time in my life when I was not aware of God and His presence.   And, I can remember back to the time I was still sleeping in a crib. 

It amazes me that people do discover God in there teen years or even later in life.  They have great epiphany, a moment of awareness - that "aha moment".  I have a bit of jealousy for that.  It's like I missed out on all the excitement.  On the other hand, friends have told me that they envy the fact that I have always had this awareness just like many others - I am not unique.  Neither am I different.  We have trouble seeing our own life as valuable.

Okay, all this being said, let's get back to my story.   I once offered to give my testimony in church.  My pastor, at the time, had me jot down some highlights for review.  He called me into his study and denied my request on the grounds that "no one will believe it"  -  ?  Huh?  

I know that I have had an active life of varied interests, jobs, a career and, as stated before, great changes.  I am also far passed retirement age, so it has been a rather lengthy life.  The longer your life, the more stuff happens!  To keep this writing within some boundaries, I am using key words in summary form so you can get the idea without a lot of lengthy (and boring) script.    This also keeps my private side happy because I do not have to disclose all the embarrassing details.

As first born, Mother dedicated me at birth and sent me to church from the time I could step onto the bus. Things were pretty middle-income-normal until I was eight years old.
Parents divorced  
grandfather moved in
no financial support from my father  
first experience with rejection from a man
father never answered any correspondence
moved to a less expensive neighbor hood = inner city (big city)
dislexic before there was dislexia = thought I was stupid
step father = sexual abuse (me and my sister)
teenage baptism
molested by three teens on way to work
pregnant at 17 = gave up art scholarship
high school graduation = stopped going to church 
lost two children at birth
married and moved to Boston - moved to Long Island
betrayal by closest friend; changed the course of my life
husband cheated = another rejection and divorce
attacked by man in parking lot
married an alcoholic
various menial jobs
socialized in dive bars = all sorts of people
major auto accident - 44 stitches to face
grandfather died - my only earthly father
partial hysterectomy 
husband cheated = another rejection and divorce
found a roommate
single girl for awhile = dating
out of body experience
traveled = selling my art work
married a businessman = he traveled
he had two daughters = I was a step mother
moved to Alabama = nice home, pool, country club
continued traveling and selling art
husband turned out to be an embezzler
he cheated = another divorce and rejection
single scene again
still traveling with art work
met a portrait artist and became her apprentice = hired agents
continued travel 
complete hysterectomy 
married a country boy from Alabama = step mom, again
different life style in the "back woods"
he had a country band = I ran sound system
opened small town business = framing and portrait studio
he dealt in drugs = I went back to church
he cheated =  devastating divorce
considered suicide - had loaded gun in hand
got baptized and took it serious  
* No wonder the pastor said, "No one would believe it".

The out of body experience opened my eyes to my life style but I am a stubborn person and it was years later before I made major changes.  There were  highlights along the wrong path: travel, people and I never lost that feeling of God's presence.

I took that baptism 35 years ago serious and, like the prodigal son, my (heavenly) Father welcomed me back with open arms and all the blessings of my heritage that were just waiting for me.   Imagine that!  All I had to do was "come home".  (I am reminded of the Proverb: Raise a child up in the way He should go and he will not depart from it.)  My marriage, of 26 years, is to a great Christian man who is "the wind beneath my wings".  My business became successful.  Fear and anger no longer rule over me.

It did not happen over night.  There were trials and many errors along the way: health issues, decisions and major adjustments.  During this time, I learned to let God have control and it has made all the difference.

Lately, I have been reminded that we all have a story and as Christians, we need to share it with others.  It can take us out of our comfort zone but it is our story of how God, our Father, molds us to become what He calls us to.  Just maybe your story can help someone else.  If we just plant the seed, God will make it grow somewhere.
Amen!