Friends: Closer Than Relatives

A couple of my closest friends and I have fallen into kidnapping.

On one of our birthdays, the other two plan the day and pay all expenses to something special.  (Any shopping, is at our own expense.)  Lunch and fees are paid by the other two.  If we take the "kidnappee" to a museum or movie, we pay for her part of the expense.  We also split the expense of her lunch.  We pick out the restaurant(s) and activities so it is all a big surprise to her.  It happens three times a year so it does not get boring or become too routine.  Since we live in a small rural town, we always go to the city or a larger town.

We have great fun: shop, eat, antique stores, museums,  historical places, tourist attractions, specialty stores and movies.  We always chose restaurants and activities that the birthday girl would like.  

We dress up, do our hair, buy silly birthday cards and look forward to these outings.

I have come to see how important friends are.  I did not make many friends when in school.  I was from the wrong side of the tracks and Kennedy was "busing" us into a "higher class" neighbor to force integration.  As a young adult, I was betrayed by a good friend in a way that changed the course of my life.  It took 15 years before I met someone that I could trust to be a friend.  I have been half way across the country from her for the past 26 years and 40 years later, we can still pick up the phone and talk as though we live next door.

 After high school, I "hit the ground running", as I chased after my career.  For 60 years I traveled across this country for work.  Sometimes I came home just long enough to unpack, do a little new work and repack for the next show.  I never knew my neighbors or made friends.  My friends were casual and in various states across this country.

Since I "retired" from all my traveling, I have gradually made friends and learned to value the connection that women have.  I can still count friends on one hand.  You know, the ones that you trust with a secret; the ones that know the most about you and still like you.

In the later part of our lives, we need this connection.  We especially need it when family takes on lives apart from ours and/or we lose a spouse.  Downsizing or moving into assisted living has got to be a huge transition and makes us face the end of our story in this life.  

GOOD NEWS:  It ain't over 'til it's over.  And, good friends can help each other weather all the transitions.  We can share our stories, pictures of our grandkids, a cup of tea, our childhood, Bible study or a cool breeze on the patio in the evening.  We have company to the doctor appointment, a trip to the grocery or someone to call when we need an emotional hug.

Make sure you have a friend to relate to and share time.  Friendship is a precious thing that I ignored for many years.  


The Bible says: 
Lk 7:6  A friend will do you a service
Acts 10:24  Peter had many friends
Acts 19:31  Paul had friends who warned him
Acts 27:3  A friend can provide for you in time of need
Pro 17:17  Solomon tells us a friend can be more reliable than family
Pro 27:6  A friend will always tell you the truth
Pro 27: 9  A friend give sincere advice
Pro 27:17  Friends benefit each other


Jesus' disciples were His "inner circle", close friends.  They shared food, wine, experiences, stories, difficult times and He loved them and prayed for them. 

Prov 18:24  This friend is the Holy Spirit and is a great source of comfort
Lk 12:14  Jesus calls us "friend"; you cannot have a better friend
Since my husband and I will be relocating from this area we presently live in it is going to be a major adjustment to leave my friends.  This has never been an issue before and it will be a major life change.  Of course, we say we will visit and call but the truth is that Facebook will most likely be the main contact.  My friends will find other friends and spend time with grandkids and life will take them ahead on their journey.  I will find other friends, hopefully.  It's just the way life is.  

An old saying comes to mine:  "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."  This can apply to friends.  The friends will be distant but the memories will loom closer than ever.  And every time I remember how we laughed when we realized I had kept one footie on after leaving a shoe store and didn't discover it for hours later, I will smile to myself and say a prayer for everyone of the friends I have made on my journey.
Amen !

Worthless Old Lady ?

Do you feel like a worthless old lady?  Is your nest empty?  Do your children live in another town or state?  Do your grandchildren think you are old fashion?  Do you wander through the day from meal to meal?  Does it seem like all you have to do is watch the clock for your next pill?  Do you avoid your friends because they just complain?  Are you too involved with what others are doing to live their life?  Do you feel no one wants you, you are worthless?

STOP IT   ! ! ! !

This is a wonderful time of your life.  You are no longer on someone else's time schedule.  You do not have to spend all your time thinking of others.   Your children do not need driven to school, ball games and piano lessons.  You don’t have mountains of laundry and piles of dishes.  You don’t have to put supper on the table for a full family by six at night.  You don’t have to get up in the middle of the night with sick children puking on the way to the bathroom.  You don’t have to get up at 5:00 am to pack a lunch.  You don’t have deadlines and a boss to answer to.  You don’t have errands to the vet, a double batch of cupcakes for the PTA and a long grocery list.   You have spare time.  You have wisdom, knowledge and experience.  You have paid your dues.   You are free!  

You have time to do so many of the things you used to wish you could do for years:  Bible study, read a good book, call a friend for lunch, embroider, paint, take a pottery class, mentor at a school, learn to play an instrument, primp in front of the mirror, paint your toenails.  Can’t reach them?  Paint your nails - an outrageous color.  Join a group playing cards, board games, cards or a pool game.  How about a Yoga class?  Great exercise to limber you up and release new energy.  All classes allow for beginners and mature women.  How about your mending?  Hem a dress and feel daring.  Hem for someone who can’t. 

I like plants.  They freshen the air.  They grow.  I talk to them.  They require time to prune, water, clean and feed.  It is rewarding to make something grow.


 For those over 55, our local Vo Tech offers classes for free.  Take up art, painting, learn to operate your computer or smart phone, cooking class, first aide, stain glass, upholstery - even welding or carpentry.  Check into a local drama club.  You can always volunteer to help if you have that need: church, schools, library or hospital. 




Cooking:  Single?  Live alone?  You can freeze in small containers for easy use later - when you have a class to go to.  You can also freeze cupcakes and cookies for personal use or that Bunko game you are going to.  I tell you, you can make new friends if you have a pie.  Make a pot of soup, or a casserole, and freeze for winter suppers.  Exchange meals with a friend.  Don’t use “just me” or “only the two of us” to keep you from healthy eating.



Idea: Make a practical Bucket List and set out to fulfill it.  My Bucket List includes running a zip line.

Here’s a great idea:  SMILE !  It releases endorphins that are healing and stimulates pleasure sensations.  Stand in front of a mirror and make faces - just for laughs.  You will also find out that more people want to be around you and visit with you.  You can become a one woman ambassador for Christ.  Just be positive, get out, smile, go somewhere.  No one likes a sour puss and a smile works wonders, especially on an older face.  You are pretty when you smile.



Look up U-Tube and search “funny”.  Funny: videos, animals, children, cats, and more.  There are U-Tube videos for learning how to do almost anything.   When I can’t get out for bad weather or have a cold or just get the “blahs”, I love to pull up some funny videos.  Another good time is when hubby has a ball game on the television.
 
Shut in?  Use the phone.  Call other shut ins and encourage them - tell a joke.   Learn how to operate your computer.  Learn almost anything on U-Tube.  Put in a patio garden in pots.  Keep up with friends and family on Facebook, BUT . . . don’t make it your life.

Afraid to go out?  Stop that, too.  God is with you.  He has taken care of you all your life.  He is not going to stop now.  Believing you can go and do is half the battle.  Pack your pills and take your phone for an emergency.  Ask a friend to join you for a movie or a picnic.  Start with short trips alone and expand your distance along with your confidence.  Book a cabin at a lake to sit on the porch, watch all the people and take a walk in nature.  Share expenses with a friend.  You might even meet some nice people.  

Do silly things - just for fun.  Wear a hat, or a turban.  Put some funny pins on it.  Dress different: bright colors, shorter hem, pants under the dress.  Wear a T-shirt with jeans, red lipstick and big ear rings.  Dye your hair with Jello.  It is a fad with the younger kids right now.  You have a large choice of colors and it gradually washes out.  (My hair has purple high lights right now.)  You can buy a temporary tattoo from the dollar store - just for fun.  I have a couple in my vanity drawer as I write.  They wash off.

Gather a couple friends for an evening of old fashion pajama party.  So what if you all fall asleep by nine.  Watch a funny movie and eat junk food.  Have a make up party.  Bring hand mirrors and make up with eye shadows, bright colored nail polish and lots of jewelry.  Style each others hair.  You might just find a new look that you like.  Blow bubbles.  The liquid kind in a bottle like the kids use or bubble gum - if your dentures are secure. Have a photo session and take pictures of each other being silly - makes a great album to laugh at.  Tell funny stories about growing up.

Flirt!  I love this one.  For the first time in my life, I can flirt with young good looking guys and they think I am cute.  Wives are not jealous and everyone takes it in stride.  I love to tell them how good looking they are.  Then, I add, “If I were 50 years younger, I would chase you until you caught me.”  Then, smile. 

Warning!  Your stick-in-the-mud friends and family will think you have lost it.  Your family might want you to come visit so they can check you out first hand.  Your sour friends will be jealous of the fun you are having.  But, you will be having fun, looking forward to getting out of bed in the morning, have more energy and your blood pressure just might drop a point or two.

Wisdom: What you believe, is what is.  If you believe your life is over, it’s is.  Personally, as long as I am breathing, I have life in some form.

“It’s too late” will kill you.  It's never too late.  God has blessed you with life.  
The Bible calls life a blessing and death a curse.  Appreciate it.  Use it.  God Himself wants to see you happy.
Sweetheart, it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.

Amen

Shape Up

Today:

God has spoken to me.

He told me to "shape up".  Like a spoiled child who wants something they cannot have RIGHT NOW, I have been anxious for our relocation.  My husband's job is over and he will be relocated to another across the state. 

We are unsettled, living in a state of limbo.  There are boxes sitting around with seasonal items packed.  I am trying to close a non profit organization which is dragging out with a couple outstanding checks in the account stopping me from getting final reports to my accountant. This goes on and on with our lives being on hold, trying to close one door and reaching for the next.  

I am anxious to get settled in our retirement home; the one where we can finally put down roots and treat it like ours instead of always considering what the next buyer will want.  I day dream about landscaping and wall murals; organizing a new kitchen and setting up my studio.

Last night, my husband told me of yet another delay.  I wanted to cry out of frustration.  Patience is not one of my  virtues.  This threw me into a bad mood for a time.  The dog sensed it and he was a real "pill" all evening.  I was my old self snapping at my husband all through supper.  (I thought I had put that gal behind me.)

By the end of the evening, I thought I had a hold on things.  The apostle Paul said he was  content in whatever situation he found himself - and he was in many situations worse than what I am.  (I am not in jail or being stoned.)  If he can do it, so can I.   All through the night, my dreams were full of bad scenes about everything that has delayed this transition and more of what can go wrong in the near future - all the issues we face with a major relocation.  The enemy was really working on me.  Just before waking this morning, I remember saying, "I rebuke you, Satan, in the name of Jesus".  Truly, I tell you, this was a major battle that waged most of the night.

Listening to my favorite television evangelists this morning and working through my Bible study, God spoke to me through their words - and His, "Nothing will improve until you learn your lesson to accept things as they are and make the best of this situation."  It's not about me!  (Imagine that.)  It's about the people who will sell the house we will buy.  It's about the people who will buy our home.  It's about timing - God's timing because He is working things out to our benefit and the benefit of all who will be involved.

Time has been a precious commodity for several years.  I have wanted more of it for gardening, cooking and painting in my studio.  Now that I have that time, I am complaining.  Have you ever done that?  So, today, I make a new resolution to get back into my studio, take more time for personal grooming and time with friends I will have to say "goodbye" to and blow the dust off of a cook book.  There are going to be moments when I let all the delays get to me.  After all, the enemy never stops.  But, I have turned a corner and will stop and remember to take advantage of this time God is providing for me - because He is involved in my personal life - just like he is involved in your life.  

Everything in God's  good time.

Amen