People are always quick with advice that makes everything worse
instead of better; they always repeat the same cliche' . They mean
well. They actually want to help but there is little they can do and
even less they can say that will help. Truth is, despair is a lonesome
valley and you are the only one who can walk through it, by yourself.
About
seven years were spent writing down my pitiful youth and all the
mistakes I made because I let others have control over my self worth.
It took me a long time to be able to look back over all the losses and
disappointments and see how it all happened for a reason. There was
loss of children, rejection, divorce, loss, grief, failure, drinking,
more loss, disease, more divorce, more rejection and more loss. I ran
from myself and suppressed feelings and memories until I was numb -
without any feeling. I was in that "lonesome valley" all by myself.
At
my lowest emotional point, I had a loaded gun in my hand trying to
decide the most effective way to use it so I would actually kill myself
and not make a mistake that would leave me a cripple the rest of my
life. That would have been worse than death: drooling, blind, in a
wheel chair and/or wearing a diaper with others wiping my chin, or my
"cheeks". Thoughts like this are enough to make you hesitate - at
least.
For me, it was God. I did not hear a voice. I did not
see a burning bush. There was no lightening or thunder. Just a quiet
thought planted in my head. It was the perfect thought to stop me. It
was God relating to me, through the Holy Spirit, in a way I could
understand. Let me print a few lines from my book, "Evidence of God":
Late
one evening, after business hours, sitting in the back room of my shop,
I was holding a loaded gun in my lap. I had taken it from John’s
dresser when I moved out. Must have sat there for a long time watching
light on the wall turn to shadow. I wasn’t thinking, just being numb.
When thoughts did return, they were about how to do it: in the mouth, in
the ear, my temple? Was the safety off? Was it a tight trigger? Lots
of questions.
The thing about happiness: It’s a choice. But, I
was a prisoner of the pain. Suicide is desperate, it is hostile, it
is tragic. These are the legacies for those left behind after suicide:
guilt, anger, doubt, blame, fear, rejection, abandonment and profound
grieving. Most people don’t want to talk about it, don’t even want to
think about it. It is too raw and it’s way too confusing.
The bottom
of my life had come up and smashed me in the face. You don’t get over
major life obstacles; you go through them. You never forget; you learn
to live with the memories. What seemed like impossible obstacles in my
life were a series of great opportunities that I could not see from my
pit of depression - that "lonesome valley".
The olive, grape
and grain are used through out the Bible as examples in stories and
parables. Each one has to be crushed before it can be used for oil,
wine and bread. Just as these examples tell us, God has to crush us
before He can use us.
As I sat there, a voice came into my
head. A small voice way in the back, soft but clear. “You can’t give
life, so you can’t take life.”
That’s all I can recall. I’m
writing this text today so I must not have pulled the trigger. The
pastor’s remark comes back to me about getting baptized quickly because
trials were coming. In my heart, I am convinced it was the spirit of
God speaking to me that night as evidence of God’s patience, wisdom and
love.
No way am I suggesting that you get a loaded gun to
get an answer from God or otherwise. Just want to relate a few thoughts
I had/have about the subject. I do want to tell you that there is a
way out - always. BUT, it isn't an easy one. If it were, there would
be no meaning to life. YOU have to find YOUR way. YOU have to learn to live with your issues without revenge or grudges. You have
to find the loving way for it to work. God is really the easiest way.
Call on Him. Ask for an answer. Dump on Him, tell Him how you feel. I
mean, really pour it out. Find professional help if you need it. Call
a help line.
Life is an amazing gift from God. The enemy is
real and he wants your life. The devil wants you dead. This is
something that is hard to see when you are in that valley. He doesn't
want to see you alive, happy or prospering the way God does. GOD LOVES
YOU! You, Y-O-U were created individual with your unique traits and
personality because you are special to Him. He does not want to see you
in despair, unhappy, suffering or without any necessity. Take my word
for it. I've been there. I found my way out. It wasn't easy but I am
stronger, more confident, healthier, happier and more prosperous for
going THROUGH it. I didn't have to do it all alone. God took my
hand and we walked out of that lonesome valley together. It is worth
the fight. It is worth it to be alive.
Jesus healed; He did not make people sick. There is not one instance where he gave someone an illness. He never refused to grant forgiveness to anyone who asked for it. Jesus actually gave forgiveness a few times that people didn't even have to ask. He never told anyone He didn't have time right now; come back later. There is evidence that He actually felt better after giving healing or forgiveness.
Abraham willing gave tithe to Melchizedek in the very first book of the Bible, after Melchizedek took communion with him. Abraham received Isaac, the son of his old age, of his dreams, who fathered the nation of Israel, from whom came the Savior. Abraham became a very wealthy man - because God was pleased with him. His descendants number the stars. He lived a long, prosperous and healthy life.
Because Jesus borrowed Peter's boat, He gave Peter a net load of fish that could have sunk Peter's boat. That meant a lot of money.
The New Testament is full of parables of healing and prospering. The good Samaritan went beyond the call of decency to provide for the stranger on side of the road. There is no parable that references sickness or poverty given to a believer. You can even find God's grace given to non believers.
Jesus healed. In the gospel of Luke, the physician, there is one healing after another listed starting with driving out an impure spirit in chapter four. I can cite 17 events of healing in this chapter without searching. Jesus even raised Lazarus, a widow's son and Jarus' daughter from the dead, not to mention Himself. As a matter of fact, Luke 13:16 tells us Satan is the one who gives disease when Jesus helas a crippled woman.
When He fed 5,000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish, He was giving, providing. All four gospels tell this story. Matthew and Mark tell of feeding another crowd with 7 loaves and a few fish. In the first case, there were 12 baskets left over. I am sure the left overs were given to the boy who generously gave of his lunch; who else? The one who freely gave, received more in return.
What did Jesus give His disciples? The Holy Spirit, joy of serving, gifts and a place in heaven for eternity.
What does He give you? Are you a believer? Do you give freely? Are you sorry when you are wrong? What is your physical problem? Do you pray? Do you ask God to heal or to give to you? Why not? Can you not see how willing He is to do this for you?
There is no "Health and Wealth Gospel". There is only the truth about the never ending love, generosity and grace of your Heavenly Father.
Amen
Don't be fooled. God is as real as ever. He is a living entity. His guidelines set forth in the Bible on how to live your life will only bring you peace, health and blessings.
Well, I am about to sound off about a couple things that are not popular
to sound off about these days. However. . . . some churches,
Christians and pastors today are tiptoeing around the truth of the
Bible, God's word. Too many are concerned about offending someone or
driving people from church with the truth. If they take offense or
leave because of the truth, let them go. They will only pollute the
body. The truth will strengthen the church and true Christians. The
Bible is our manual for living yesterday, today and tomorrow. God never
changes. Since He created man, the manual on how to live is important
for keeping us in the best lifestyle that blesses us. We have to
return to the truth especially in this day of "political correctness"
which threatens the very foundation of our society.
Here are a
couple verses to remind us of the importance of truth: I John 4:6, II
Timothy 2:15 and Ephesians 6:14 which tells us, "Stand firm then, with
the belt of truth buckled around your waist. . .". God's truth, as
stated in His word, the Bible, is that abortion is premeditated murder,
sex before marriage is wrong, a gay lifestyle is an abomination and
tithing to the church is ordained. There are other truths that are
being swept under the carpet these days but these four are some major
issues.
Abortion: Ex. 10:13 tells us not to murder. (Original text uses the word "murder", not "kill") God knows the unborn child, Ps. 139:13,15. We are created in the image of God; that makes life special. We are told to be fruitful and multiply - the opposite of killing an unborn child. Gen.1:28 Also see Gen.9:6 & 7.
Sex before marriage: In Song of Songs 2:7, 3:5 and 8:4, there is a strong warning against premarital sex when it says, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" - three times. In other words, save sex for marriage! There are special blessings for the married couple that come from obedience to this rule. I have known many who regretted sex before marriage but have yet to meet a couple that were sorry they waited.
Gay lifestyle: Lev.18:22, 20:13; these verses are very plain. There is also the story in Sodom where a crowd of the town wanted Lot to turn over the two male visitors in his house so they could have sexual relations with them. There is no indication that the townsmen were aware the visitors were angels.
Tithing: The is the foundation of giving appreciation to God for everything. Genesis 14:20 is the first instance of tithing and it was done by Abraham to God's representative, Melchizedek, right after they partook of the first communion 14:18. Tithing has been ordered ever since. The Bible is full of blessings listed that come to those who tithe. The tithe is returned to God through His representative on earth, the church.
How many ills of society can you name that have their roots in these issues? Disease, heartbreak, broken homes, broken hearts, mental and emotional breakdowns, suicide, adoption, abandonment, alcoholism, and the list goes on.
Anyone who knows me will tell you, I get along with
everyone and I am not about to condemn the individual for the action.
Heaven knows I have done my share of wrong living. This is one reason I
feel I can spout off. I have lived a lifestyle without God and
presently try to live according to God's instruction as stated in the
Bible. It is amazing what a difference it really makes in my life to
follow the guidelines my maker put into force at the time of creation.
You actually have to walk the walk before you can see the results. Your
first step has to be through faith; the rest will come. When we can
understand His absolute love and find the faith to follow through with
right choices, our lives improve immeasurably. THIS IS TRUTH.
God
set all of His instructions in place for our benefit physically,
emotionally, spiritually and looking to the future. We are rebellious
children and when we disobey, punishment comes through our physical,
emotional and spiritual well being. This explains so much unhappiness
in the world today. Our choices need to mature. We need to give up our
selfish lifestyle and live the rich blessings of right choice.
Further
reading: John 4:24, 8:34, Psalms 119:160, 145:18 and I John 3:18
which says, "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but
with actions and in truth."
*Title for this writing is a quote from my mother that she was fond of.
