That said, when it comes to my past, I am an open book. Like everyone else, I have had trials, temptations, failures and embarrassments. I don't believe in regret. I made bad choices (for whatever reason) and they were my choices. I like to think that I have learned from them. After all, I did do a full turn around at one point in my life. There were times of great sorrow, fear, worthlessness and loneliness. I have felt "lonely" but never "alone".
When I say that I did a full turnaround and repented of a life style, I don't mean all of a sudden I realized there was a loving being out there that created everything and His son came to save me to eternal life by paying the debt for everything I did wrong; although, all of that is true. The thing is, I cannot remember a time in my life when I was not aware of God and His presence. And, I can remember back to the time I was still sleeping in a crib.
It amazes me that people do discover God in there teen years or even later in life. They have great epiphany, a moment of awareness - that "aha moment". I have a bit of jealousy for that. It's like I missed out on all the excitement. On the other hand, friends have told me that they envy the fact that I have always had this awareness just like many others - I am not unique. Neither am I different. We have trouble seeing our own life as valuable.
Okay, all this being said, let's get back to my story. I once offered to give my testimony in church. My pastor, at the time, had me jot down some highlights for review. He called me into his study and denied my request on the grounds that "no one will believe it" - ? Huh?
I know that I have had an active life of varied interests, jobs, a career and, as stated before, great changes. I am also far passed retirement age, so it has been a rather lengthy life. The longer your life, the more stuff happens! To keep this writing within some boundaries, I am using key words in summary form so you can get the idea without a lot of lengthy (and boring) script. This also keeps my private side happy because I do not have to disclose all the embarrassing details.
As first born, Mother dedicated me at birth and sent me to church from the time I could step onto the bus. Things were pretty middle-income-normal until I was eight years old.Parents divorced
grandfather moved in
no financial support from my father
first experience with rejection from a man
father never answered any correspondence
moved to a less expensive neighbor hood = inner city (big city)
dislexic before there was dislexia = thought I was stupid
step father = sexual abuse (me and my sister)
teenage baptism
molested by three teens on way to work
pregnant at 17 = gave up art scholarship
high school graduation = stopped going to church
lost two children at birth
married and moved to Boston - moved to Long Island
betrayal by closest friend; changed the course of my life
husband cheated = another rejection and divorce
attacked by man in parking lot
married an alcoholic
various menial jobs
socialized in dive bars = all sorts of people
major auto accident - 44 stitches to face
grandfather died - my only earthly father
partial hysterectomy
husband cheated = another rejection and divorce
found a roommate
single girl for awhile = dating
out of body experience
traveled = selling my art work
married a businessman = he traveled
he had two daughters = I was a step mother
moved to Alabama = nice home, pool, country club
continued traveling and selling art
husband turned out to be an embezzler
he cheated = another divorce and rejection
single scene again
still traveling with art work
met a portrait artist and became her apprentice = hired agents
continued travel
complete hysterectomy
married a country boy from Alabama = step mom, again
different life style in the "back woods"
he had a country band = I ran sound system
opened small town business = framing and portrait studio
he dealt in drugs = I went back to church
he cheated = devastating divorce
considered suicide - had loaded gun in hand
got baptized and took it serious
* No wonder the pastor said, "No one would believe it".
The out of body experience opened my eyes to my life style but I am a stubborn person and it was years later before I made major changes. There were highlights along the wrong path: travel, people and I never lost that feeling of God's presence.
I took that baptism 35 years ago serious and, like the prodigal son, my (heavenly) Father welcomed me back with open arms and all the blessings of my heritage that were just waiting for me. Imagine that! All I had to do was "come home". (I am reminded of the Proverb: Raise a child up in the way He should go and he will not depart from it.) My marriage, of 26 years, is to a great Christian man who is "the wind beneath my wings". My business became successful. Fear and anger no longer rule over me. It did not happen over night. There were trials and many errors along the way: health issues, decisions and major adjustments. During this time, I learned to let God have control and it has made all the difference.
Lately, I have been reminded that we all have a story and as Christians, we need to share it with others. It can take us out of our comfort zone but it is our story of how God, our Father, molds us to become what He calls us to. Just maybe your story can help someone else. If we just plant the seed, God will make it grow somewhere.
Amen!
No comments:
Post a Comment